by Wendy Silvers | Mar 5, 2014 | Conscious Loving, Leadership & Empowerment, Uncategorized, Universal Peace Principles, Wendy's Wisdom Notes
9 Steps to Family Forgiveness
It’s hard to believe that summer is coming to an end. It seems as though it flew by. My oldest nephew leaves for college in a week, which is stunning to me because it seems like just yesterday he was a baby. Much as I would like to, I don’t get to see him very often, as he lives far from us. We talk about visiting, though it gets a bit complicated because of his parents’ divorce years ago.
As you reflect on your summer, are your thoughts filled with cherished memories of special quality time spent with extended family? Or are your memories of family togetherness tinged with thoughts of emotionally-charged moments? Reuniting with family can feel warm and fuzzy and wonderful, or it can be like visiting a dangerous neighborhood that triggers hyper-vigilance as you watch your step and watch your back.
Unresolved and festering feelings can throw a serious wrench in family fun, especially when one feels injured by another person’s words and behavior. And whatever the infraction may have been, if it is unresolved, it seems to grow with time. Do you ever find yourself having an imaginary conversation with the person you feel wronged you? Well, maybe you haven’t, but I’ve sure done this. So, off we go to reunions and have a great time — or we come back with more grudges. What sets the tone for a pleasant experience or a dreadful experience? Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is for YOU. It’s your liberation from the relentless re-experiencing of a hurt. It releases you from the gnawing feeling of ick you feel inside each time you hear the person’s name or see their face. In certain cases, not remaining in touch with a family member makes absolute sense. If you fear for your physical or emotional safety, distancing yourself may be wise. In other situations, when the idea of forgiveness is presented, many people balk. “But he, but she, but they,” is a common refrain. Yet what is the most self-loving act to take? To forgive another and let go of harboring a new resentment or a longstanding one is a high act of self-liberation. Forgiveness is a simple choice to make but not always easy to do, especially when we feel we are right.
Forgiveness is not about condoning what occurred; it is about freeing up psychic energy that whirls inside of you so that your heart is more open. The truth is that when we nurse resentments and hold unforgiveness, the object of our disdain is usually doing fine, thank you very much. So, who’s the one who’s imprisoned? Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
I practice forgiveness on a daily basis because I want to feel good. I make a choice to live with an open heart. Here’s what I do to help me free myself of resentment, which leads to unforgiveness, a grimace on my face, a closed heart and lots of noise in my head. It can take me a minute at times to feel the release or even recognize that the agada I’m feeling inside stems from unforgiveness. As I said, it’s a practice. If I still feel upset about the person or situation, I repeat the process.
1. Write a Letter
I write a letter to the person, place or situation that I feel resentment toward. I let it rip, with no edits. But I don’t send it, of course. When it’s complete, I read it to a dear and trusted friend who knows that I’ve just lost my mind for a minute. And then I burn it.
2. Set an Intention
I do not do anything without first setting an intention for what I want to experience in any interaction or situation. These are the questions to ask yourself: What do I want to experience? What am I bringing to this interaction and/or situation? Change the focus so that it’s not on what you’re going to get. Be prepared before you step into the room with your family members. Consider what example you are setting for your children. Children remember what you do more than what you say.
3. Define Forgiveness
Many times there’s a misconception that forgiving is condoning, and that’s not the case. Forgiveness sets us free rather than keeping us in emotional bondage to the experience and to the person(s) involved. Keep in mind the old adage, “Would you rather be happy or right?”
4. Explore Your Expectations
I continually explore expectations of myself, other people and situations so that I am not blindsided by the subtle act of setting myself up for disappointment. What yardstick am I measuring myself against? Was there an unexpressed expectation? Are you expecting people to be who they’re not? Expectations can be premeditated resentments.
5. Consider Your Personal Payoff for Holding a Grudge
Ooh, this one is a doozy to look at. Many times there can be a false sense of empowerment or self-righteous anger over something that occurred, and people can be reluctant to let go of this. The right use of anger is different than self-righteous anger.
6. Communicate
How do you communicate? When we’re attached to being “right,” it leaves little room for understanding each other’s needs. If you communicate through the stink eye, smoldering silence, snide, biting comments, or slamming cabinets and doors, make the decision to practice compassionate communication so that resolution may be reached.
7. Self-love
Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t speak to yourself meanly. Be kind to yourself. And if that looks like removing yourself from negative conversation and behavior, do so. Do not fall prey to the false belief that it is noble to remain in situations that are unacceptable to get them right. Sometimes love says “enough is enough.”
8. Be Willing to See Yourself, People and Situations Differently
Most people are doing the best they can in any given situation. Their best may not work for you, but your best may not work for them, either.
9. Remain Open to Miracles
Miracles are available to us at all times. Miracles are shifts in consciousness that occur all the time. Be open to something unexpected and magnificent happening right before your eyes.
This article was originally published on Huffington Post, 8/18/2012
by Wendy Silvers | Feb 21, 2014 | Compassionate Parenting, Conscious Parenting, Leadership & Empowerment, Million Mamas Musings, Million Mamas Rising, Partnering, Universal Peace Principles, Wendy Silvers' Videos, Wendy's Wisdom Notes
The power of the feminine energy is rising in our culture. Our girls are exposed to way more than we were when we were growing up ~ more choices, more challenges. How do we prepare them to live fulfilling, prosperous and joyous lives in this world?
- Are you the mother of a daughter? Or, is there a girl in your life that you want to see feel confident and self-assured in her life?
- Would you like to be your daughter’s advocate and help her honor her voice?
- Would you like to counter the messages the media gives our girls about sex and sexuality?
- Would you like to help your daughter cultivate a vision of her future that incorporates the things she’s discovered she’s passionate about?
If you answered YES to any of these questions, and, if you’d like to ask me some questions about this, please join me, Saturday, February 22, 9 am PST/10 am MST/11 am CST/12 pm EST. Just click the image, or this link, to REGISTER FREE: http://raisingempowereddaughters.com/?ap_id=MamaWendy
by Wendy Silvers | Jan 16, 2014 | Conscious Loving, Leadership & Empowerment, Uncategorized, Wendy Silvers' Videos, Wendy's Wisdom Notes
Rockin Yo Mama Self – whatever that looks like to you – is my continual learning and my work with mamas. Here’s a message from me to all the mamas. (applicable to all)
What will you do today to care for yourself? Upload a video or picture of you practicing self-care to: facebook.com/millionmamasmovement
Learn more about 21 Days to R.O.C.K. Yo Mama Self here:
http://millionmamasmovement.org/21-days-to-rock-yo-mama-self/
by Wendy Silvers | Oct 20, 2013 | Compassionate Parenting, Conscious Loving, Conscious Parenting, Leadership & Empowerment, Soul Alchemy, Uncategorized, Universal Peace Principles, Wendy Silvers' Videos, Wendy's Wisdom Notes
There are no limits to the power of the mama. Mother energy is tender, fierce and unceasing. Think of Mother Nature. Today, we are redefining what Mama Power means.
You know that you don’t have to be a mama to rock yo mama self, right? In certain cultures, we call little girls, “mama.” Do you know that there are many ways to rock yo mama self — rockin mama, hot mama, sassy mama, cool mama, sexy mama, stay-at-home mama, work-at-home mama, mamapreneur, meditating mama, attachment parenting mama, peace mama, single mama, married mama, straight mama, gay mama, the ways are endless, there’s not one way. However you do it, one thing’s for sure: The Mamas I’ve talked with and counseled are about having freedom over their own bodies and good lives and want all the women and children to be safe, fed, housed, clothed, loved, educated and celebrated!
How do we do this? It starts with each of us, One heart, one person, one family, one teacher, one politician, one community at a time ’til it builds and becomes undeniable. We incorporate compassionate parenting and communication into our lives on a daily basis. We look inside ourselves for the places within us that feel stuck and do our own inner work rather than pointing fingers at others. We celebrate ourselves. Dance naked, if we want to. Hug a tree. Continue our education, get a degree, maybe a PhD, a JD, or not. Work full-time, part-time, or stay at home. Be devoted to our children’s and our well-being. Give someone something without them knowing it’s from us. Begin to focus on what we appreciate in our children and loved ones rather than focus on what we don’t. Appreciate ourselves for all we do. Keep our minds filled with the good that’s all around by surrounding ourselves with people, music and entertainment that lifts us up. Be honest with ourselves and our sisters. Live authentically.
Turn off the news. Demand clean water, clean food, clean air, safe schools, by contacting our elected representatives. Support an organization that is aligned with what you believe in. Join the Million Mamas Movement. http://www.millionmamasmovement.org Support the teaching of compassionate parenting in our neighborhoods. Make a difference by being different. Dare to bring loving mindfulness to all you do. Cultivate a compassionate heart. I practice and teach compassionate parenting and the 4 Pathways to Cultivate the Compassionate Heart of the Mother. Let’s support all mamas in being the powerhouses that they are, providing training to those who want it, rather than knock them down. Let’s make our world a place where all children truly are safe, fed, housed, clothed, loved, educated and celebrated. We address one thing, and, as we do, we begin to address the others. And, remember to give thanks to the papas, for without the papas, there would be no mamas. We need to honor those visionary men who recognize that our society is in dire need of the Mother energy to restore the imbalance the patriarchal power over pattern that has been in charge created.
A mother will go to any length to keep her children safe. Think Angelina Jolie — she took a huge and radical step by having a double mastectomy surgery so that her children will have a mama as they grow up. Let’s stop judging her and acknowledge her for using her celebrity for good. She brought awareness to the general public about the BRC1 test. Think 2011 Nobel Peace Laureate Leymah Gbowee — she galvanized the Muslim and Catholic women of Liberia to bring peace to Liberia and oust despot Charles Taylor. I had the honor of spending the day with Leymah Gbowee and she is one of my she-ros for sure. Think Maria Belon — her experience with the 2004 Tsunami was made into a movie, The Impossible. And, there are many more mamas, living on your street, in your neighborhood, who will go to great lengths for their children or the children they love.
We are evolving family-hood through love, compassion in action and empathy. The next time you see a mama, smile at her. See if there are any mamas or papas that need your help. What children need help? Where can you lend a hand? Or a donation?
Your voice matters, you matter. Never ever underestimate how your being here makes a difference in someone’s life. Activate that unstoppable power within you that says I’m here, I have a right to be here, I matter and I’ve got things to say! And if you need someone in your corner cheering you on, you just call on me. So, Rock on! Because I know, absolutely, that you are here on purpose, with purpose and that when we mobilize the mamas, we transform the world!
by Wendy Silvers | Oct 7, 2013 | Compassionate Parenting, Conscious Parenting, Leadership & Empowerment, Soul Alchemy, Universal Peace Principles, Wendy's Wisdom Notes
Creating a Culture of Peace, One Child, One Parent, One Heart at a Time
- Do you sometimes lose it with your children and then judge yourself as “not a good enough parent?”
- Would you like to raise confident, compassionate, empowered children?
- Would you like your children to grow up in a kind and just world where bullying and violence toward one another has no place? Do you see parenting as part of your sacred practice or just something to get through?
REGISTER HERE: http://agapelive.com/event/parenting-as-spiritual-practice/
If you answered YES to any of these questions, Parenting As a Spiritual Practice, lead by Million Mamas Movement founder, Wendy Silvers, ALSP, is for you. Echo Parenting inspired, this dynamic and experiential 6-week class offers compassionate, empathy-led parenting through the lens of non-violence combined with the application of spiritual principles and practices. This is not to be confused with permissive parenting.
We will explore:
- compassion
- compassionate parenting and communication
- meditation
- forgiveness
- emotional intelligence
- visioning
- anger—yours and your child’s
- limit-setting
- the power of play
- self-care and more, in a non-judgmental and nurturing environment.
REGISTER HERE: http://agapelive.com/event/parenting-as-spiritual-practice/
Mornings: Saturdays 9:30am – 11:30am
First class: October 12th, Last class: November 23rd, 2013
No class October 26th
Location: Spirit of Wisdom (second floor)
Child care will be provided for a nominal fee. You will leave this series illuminated, transformed and equipped to parent and live with greater compassion.
REGISTER HERE: http://agapelive.com/event/parenting-as-spiritual-practice/
If you can’t make the first class, and still want to attend, please join us.
by Wendy Silvers | Dec 25, 2012 | Compassionate Parenting, Conscious Parenting, Leadership & Empowerment, Universal Peace Principles, Wendy's Wisdom Notes
After the shooting occurred in Newtown, Ct., I felt moved to write this piece, which originally appeared on the Huffington Post. We may never know the why something like this happens. All we may have are strands of information and snippets of truth. We never know another souls’ journey really.
Blessings to all who were involved in this tragic event.
When tragic, almost unbelievable events like the shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, the shooting of 14-year old Malala Yousafzai in Pakistan and the shooting in Aurora, Colorado occur, a collective outpouring of grief and outrage unfolds.
Early Friday morning, after saying a final goodbye to two young African girls that my family had hosted for two nights, I called up a friend weeping at the probability that I may never see these precious girls again. In two short days, I had fallen in love with the girls, who were touring with the Assante choir. As I cried into the phone because I couldn’t imagine not ever seeing Divine and Arlene again, Adam Lanza was at the Newtown elementary school.
As a mother, my heart broke open for the parents and families whose loved ones died in the shooting in Newtown. I cannot imagine the inconsolable grief the parents of the young children must be feeling as well as the families of the teachers, principal, school psychologist, the gunman and his mother. As a spiritual therapist, parenting educator and the founder of the Million Mamas Movement, an organization dedicated to the thriving of women and children throughout the world, I have been speaking to concerned parents and lead several prayer circles since Friday’s shooting.
There are so many victims in this tragic event. Adam Lanza killed his mother with a gun she had in her home. What prompts a child to kill a parent? The whole community grieves and, as bystanders, we grieve with them. All parents entrust their school-age children to the school they attend believing that they will be safe while away from home. I received many calls from parents experiencing mounting anxiety as this past Monday morning rolled around. To provide support, I spoke a centering prayer.
While it is the human condition to point the finger at Adam Lanza for his violent spree and say it is because of lax gun controls, my mind has been entertaining other thoughts. The goals of the Million Mamas Movement include the teaching of peace principles and providing compassionate parenting programs to parents and educators. I feel moved to go to the root of what would cause a young man to shoot his mother and so many others. It occurs to me that we would find greater solace and solutions by integrating emotional/social intelligence into education and providing greater mental health options rather than displacing our grief and horror by focusing on gun control. This and other unfathomable acts of violence are a symptom of something deeper needing our care and attention.
In this high tech, fast moving global society, it can be easy to lose sight of how important it is to connect the old fashioned way.
Here are 7 tools I believe will help us heal as a society:
1. Cultivate a practice of having quiet time with your family, whether it is meditation, being in nature, talking about uplifting and inspiring things or just sitting together listening to music.
2. Turn OFF the news that has this and other horrible events on a loop.
3. Be conscious and selective about the media you watch and expose your children to, especially related to the content of video games, such as the popular Call of Duty.
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